Since I returned to the north I have noticed the following differences between there and here.
1 No one cleans up after their dogs.
2 There are many, many more midgets, morbidly obese people, morbidly anorexic people, morbidly tall people and other assorted freaks than i am used to. It is the human equivalent of deepest amazon in its biodiversity.
3 I know no one. Or more importantly, no one knows me yet. So I feel a divine calling to bring the divine word of SomeGuy to this exotic and untamed land.
Unfortunately meeting people requires knowing people. Which requires meeting people. Society is a mobius strip and I am in the third dimension. So with my determination honed by point three, my curiosity piqued by point two and my courage undaunted by point one, I invite you to accompany me on my voyage into the world of online dating, as i bravely dive....
INTO THE SARLAAC!
I began by perusing the available websites. As with all such decisions, I began with wikipedia’s comparison of online dating sites page. I needed somewhere popular but free (given the obvious vested interests of a website you have to pay for if you are still single).
My first stop was the web’s most popular dating site, eharmony. Eharmony was clearly designed by women who believe that there is one special person out there that you are destined to live with happily ever after. It then submits you to about an hour of pschobabblitical analysis, searches for Johnny Depp, panics when it realises there is only one of him and he’s married and then explodes.
In my case it finished its touchy feelly, uncomfortably probing survey with a message that is best summarised with the words “ERROR! ERROR! YOU ARE A DICK! ABORT! ABORT!” It was at this point i realised that I was far too good for eharmony.
In its defence I believe in my haste I had probably mischosen. Eharmony was probably correct in its analysis that my purpose and its own were at odds. In fact if you want to learn a little bit more about yourself, I would heartily recommend it. Truth is, I am not looking for a soul mate. I already know who that is and have long since abandoned my dream of meeting Vanilla Ice.
'tis better to have loved and lost...
So i started with what is usually the best place to begin any decisions, the Wikipedia comparison of online dating sites. Being entirely convinced of the stupidities of paying for it, i needed something in the middle of the casual/serious scale and with as many members as possible, and that means okcupid.com. I signed up, I created a profile; you can see how I started in the next entry.
No comments:
Post a Comment